


(im)perfect

by Akane21



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, M/M, Physical Abuse, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-11 16:45:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17450654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akane21/pseuds/Akane21
Summary: “I’ll never hurt you again,” Hidan assures, looking up at him – his eyes, mad and tender at the same time, glisten with tears. “I promise.”Kakuzu says nothing, kneels down next to him and pulls him into a hug – holds him as tightly as he can.Don’t make promises you can’t keep.





	(im)perfect

**Author's Note:**

> A quick note: I am _not_ romanticizing abuse; this kind of thing is sick and wrong in every way.
> 
> There is no happy ending here.  
> Read at your own risk, I guess?

If there was one thing Kakuzu liked about having to always cover his face, it was that he could avoid forcing a smile. Or any expression altogether.

Konan leans over his desk, looks directly into his eyes, asks in a worried tone, “Are you alright? You don’t look well lately.”

“I’m fine,” Kakuzu says flatly. “A little tired, that’s all.”

Unconsciously, he fixes his hair to hide the markings on his neck – it might not be that obvious, but Konan has always been too perceptive.

Konan frowns, as though his words didn’t convince her at all – but still she sighs and nods.

“If you say so.”

“Really, Konan. You shouldn’t worry about me.”

 

Kakuzu looks at the time – and he’d really better hurry.

He knows it when he hears his phone beep.

_‘where the fuck are you?’_

 

_“You know I’m fucking worried here – you’re always so late.”_

  
  
“Hidan cares about you, I see, always checking on you,” Konan laughs, watching as Kakuzu texts a reply quickly. “He’s such a sweetheart, right? Hinata’s always worried about me too. Sometimes I think she goes a little overboard with that, but it’s cute.”

_It’s cute, because Hinata won’t break your arm for returning home late._

_She won’t._

Probably won’t even think of something like this.

It’s alright.

Hinata is just that kind of person who forgives even the worst sins with a gentle smile; and it’s good that she and Konan have found each other.

Hidan can’t forgive so easily, but Kakuzu can’t ask that of him – of anyone. And perhaps, if Hidan simply accepted all his flaws, Kakuzu would feel even worse, knowing he’s not worthy of forgiveness.

So it’s fine.

Of course, Kakuzu says none of this out loud.

“Yeah, I guess it is,” he replies.

Konan looks at him strangely, with a hint of suspicion, and Kakuzu is quick to bid her farewell.

He has to hurry.

He doesn’t want to upset Hidan.

_Even less so to make him mad._

 

_“Shut up... I’m fucking sick of your excuses. How many fucking times am I supposed to say it until you get it?”_

 

_The only thing he can do is cover his head with his hands, crouching on the ground; if he makes just one sound, it’ll be worse, he’s learned it long ago._

_But Hidan has the right to be angry._

_Kakuzu more than deserves all this._

 

 

“I didn’t want to,” and his voice breaks, “fuck, I really didn’t...”

“It’s alright.”  
  
It really is.  
  
Hidan doesn’t _want_ to hurt him. He simply... loses it sometimes.

Kakuzu winces – the sensation is still far from pleasant – while Hidan bandages his arm just above the elbow. Hidan’s skills in first aid aren’t great; but at least he won’t bleed out.

“Fuck,” Hidan grits his teeth. “Sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Kakuzu reaches out with his uninjured hand to hold him, and Hidan presses closer, exhaling with relief.

“It is,” Hidan says stubbornly. “I won’t do this again. I promise.”

And, honestly, he’s been saying this for so many years it doesn’t really make a lot of sense; but it’s still... nice – calming to hear.

In any case, every bruise, cut or broken bone – Kakuzu deserves all that. No – perhaps he deserves even worse.

He’s not that easy to get along with – anyone in Hidan’s place would have already left.

So...

It’s alright.

 

_Everything is alright._

_If you repeat it long enough, you might actually believe it._

_Nothing is alright._

  
  
  
_“You... kill people.”_

_Hidan sighs – and wants to laugh for some reason, but instead only smiles._

_“Yeah. I kill people,” and it’s one of the things I love more than anything – not more than you, of course. “And you know what else?”_

_“What?”_

_Kakuzu looks like he hasn’t realized what’s going on._

_It’s alright._

_He will soon._

_“I love you,” Hidan says, and his smile grows wider. “I think that’s a far greater crime.”_  
_Seeing the look on Kakuzu’s face, Hidan laughs._

_“I’d even say...” he presses closer to him, exhales into his ear, “it’s a sin.”_

_“So being with me makes you a sinner?” Kakuzu seems to relax a little – Hidan doesn’t see his face, but judging by the tone of his voice, he’s smiling. And Hidan laughs again._

_“Yeah, but it’s a good sin. Otherwise I wouldn’t indulge in it,” his laughter becomes nervous, but it doesn’t matter._

_Everything is great._

_When at last there are no more secrets – there is real trust._

_And no doubts._

 

Hidan holds his wrist, directing it – presses closer to him for a moment, face buried in his hair, inhales deeply – and steps away.

“Go on,” says softly. “Just slice his throat. Or stab his heart – it’s boring, but quick. Whatever you want. Come on.”

Kakuzu feels his body shaking violently – but he doesn’t move, staring at the tied up man before him, who stares back pleadingly, whispers something like ‘please, don’t kill me, I’ll do anything’.

“Come on,” Hidan repeats, “come on. I’ll help if something goes wrong... But I’m sure you’ll do just fine.”

Kakuzu wants to run away – disappear, to be somewhere far from here – but he can’t even move.

Hidan is standing behind him, repeating, ‘come on’, and the man – prisoner – victim – keeps muttering ‘please, don’t, help, someone’.

_No one will ever help you._

Kakuzu doesn’t want to hear anything; Hidan’s hand, trembling with anger, lies on his shoulder; ‘please-please-please’ –

_Shut up_

_Shut up_

_shutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutup_

 

Kakuzu squeezes his eyes shut, swings – and stabs.

The blade goes into the flesh with a disgusting wet sound, and the stranger screams – so loud –  
Kakuzu stabs again, still not looking.

And again.

Again.

Again.

Until the screaming finally stops.

_But it still rings in his ears._

Hidan laughs – as if he’s genuinely happy.

Kakuzu crouches down on the floor, covering his mouth with both hands, feeling dizzy and as if not really here; choking on his tears, he barely acknowledges Hidan kneeling next to him, stroking his hair, whispering, “It’s okay, you did well, I knew you could do it.”

He’s so disgusted with himself – he’s so afraid – and yet happy.

He didn’t disappoint Hidan.

_Everything is alright._

 

Everything is alright.

 

And it is alright even when Kakuzu hears muffled screams coming from the basement; when Hidan, all covered in someone’s blood, comes up to him, lays his head on his shoulder and holds him, cold wet hands trailing up his body – after all, Kakuzu is used to the sight and scent of blood. His own – but someone else’s blood isn’t all that different.

Hidan is rarely ever gentle, but it’s just the way he is; he can’t change, and he doesn’t have to.

Kakuzu really can’t _complain_ – everything is great.  
  
“Stop that,” Hidan whispers, clearly annoyed, when Kakuzu fails to suppress a quiet moan. “It can’t be that bad.”

It’s not – it’s somewhat unpleasant, but otherwise alright, Kakuzu thinks as he holds Hidan carefully.

Everything is alright.

Hidan’s movements are fast, rough, and he pays little attention to his pleasure or even comfort, just like always; but the way he kisses him is so tender, and he whispers – “you know I love you.”

Kakuzu knows.

Hidan rarely says things like that, but when he does – these words are worth any pain.

Hidan presses close to him, moans something incoherent; and Kakuzu closes his eyes, focusing only on Hidan and ignoring the smell of blood and the pain in his split lip and his ribs – that seem to be broken, but it wouldn’t be the first time.

It’s so unimportant.

Hidan is here – and this is the only thing that matters.

  
  
  
_Kakuzu still looks at him with suspicion when Hidan pulls away._

_“Doesn’t... my appearance bother you?”_

_“Nah,” Hidan waves dismissively. “Scars are cool. And you’re cool. And anyway... I’ve seen worse, so I don’t give a fuck.”_

_I still like you._

_Still need you._

_Because your eyes and your voice drive me crazy, and you’re the only reason I signed up for the otherwise useless classes – just so I could see and hear you._

_Because only when I’m with you, I feel this joy, desire to live, and it’s stronger than even the feeling I get when I cut someone up._

_Because with you I feel truly alive – not like with others._

_Because I want to see your smile as often as possible, I want to fall asleep and wake up next to you every fucking day; and I don’t want to lose you, even if it means tying you up and locking you and never letting you go._  
  
_But I won’t have to do that._

_You’re mine already._

_Hidan says none of that out loud._

_What for?_

_Some things are better kept unspoken._

_He knows this quite well._

_And Hidan really couldn’t care less about Kakuzu’s scars; in fact, it even feels somewhat exciting when they kiss, slow and careful at first, getting used to each other._

_But most people just can’t see beyond appearance – they don’t know what they’re missing, Hidan thinks, but it’s for the best._

_Because this way no one will look at Kakuzu._

_No one will take him from Hidan._

_And it’s good, because no one will love him like Hidan._

 

 

_“Nah, haven’t seen your dog. It must’ve run off or something.”_

  
  
  
Kakuzu can’t keep his eyes off the dead dog – his fingers tremble as he strokes its grey fur, soaked in blood; he keeps saying something inaudibly and doesn’t even notice Hidan.

And Hidan can barely hold back a grin when he looks at the deep wounds on the dog’s body – and remembers a menacing growl that turned into helpless whining in a matter of seconds, and the way sharp teeth dug desperately into his hand, and the way the fucking thing twitched convulsively and finally went quiet with the last hit – and he remembers warm blood all over his hands and face.

It wasn’t as fun as it was with people – but Hidan hated this beast –

And wanted it dead since the day it first growled at him, not letting him enter the house.

Kakuzu is silent, but his shoulders are trembling, and his eyes are completely mad.

It’s just a fucking dog.

Just. A. Fucking. Dog.

 _Fuck,_ Hidan thinks, _why are you nearly in tears because of it_ , and strokes Kakuzu’s hair gently, whispers some comforting nonsense instead. “It’s alright, I’m here.”

Kakuzu looks at him, so empty and broken, and then suddenly smiles; and though it’s wry and awkward, it’s sincere; and then he pulls Hidan into a tight hug.

“Yes. Thanks... for being here for me.”

“Now where would I go,” Hidan laughs.

And he thinks that even though he’ll have to hide the deep bite on his palm for a few more days, it was worth it.

 

_Everything is p e r f e c t._

_Just like Hidan wanted – and even better._

_Everyone has problems sometimes._

_They’ll work through it._

_Hidan will not let anything or anyone ruin their perfect world._

 

  
“Love you,” Kakuzu says quietly, and Hidan could swear he’s never heard anything more beautiful. Leaving quick kisses on his lips, his face, his neck, Hidan can’t look away from him.

The way Kakuzu smiles, such warmth and tenderness in his eyes – Hidan thinks his heart might just break now from how much he loves him.

Hidan strokes the bruise on his cheekbone carefully, afraid to hurt more, and Kakuzu wraps his arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer.

And at this very moment, Hidan is happy.

And he really doesn’t understand when and how everything changes.

  
  
_Hidan hugs his legs, repeating hastily, “I’m sorry-I didn’t mean it-I’m sorry-sorry-sorry” – and the phone slips out of his hand, hitting the floor with a dull thud._

 _Kakuzu touches Hidan’s hair – carefully, lightly, still not entirely sure; but everything is alright, so he strokes his head,_ _exhaling quietly._

_It’s alright._

_Hidan isn’t that much to blame._

_“I’m fine,” Kakuzu says. Swallows bitter saliva mixed with blood and repeats, “I’m fine.”_

_“I’ll never hurt you again,” Hidan assures, looking up at him – his eyes, mad and tender at the same time, glisten with tears. “I promise.”_

_Kakuzu says nothing, kneels down next to him and pulls him into a hug – holds him as tightly as he can._  
  
_Don’t make promises you can’t keep._  
  
_Or maybe... promise, because it’s easier this way._

_So I can see that you care._

 

_“When I tell you to do something, you fucking do it!”_

  
  
Hidan swings without even looking, and a familiar shiver surges through his body when his fist crashes into Kakuzu’s jaw.

His head hits the wall, blood trickles down his chin – and Kakuzu looks anywhere but at Hidan, and the submissiveness in his eyes only makes the anger stronger.

“Look at me,” Hidan closes his hands on Kakuzu’s throat, feels the hot, wet skin underneath his fingers, rough old scars, pulse beating rapidly – and he _almost_ loses it.

Kakuzu looks at him – there’s pain in his eyes, confusion and no desire to resist, and Hidan suppresses a howl that is about to tear from his chest, squeezes his fingers harder, watching as–

_No._

_Enough._

Hidan shakes his head, letting go.

“There, there,” he says softly. “It’s okay.”

Kakuzu slides down the wall, gasping for air, and nods.

“I’m fine,” even though Hidan didn’t ask, he’s still glad.

Hidan kneels next to him, hugs him, strokes his face carefully, trying not to hurt – not now.

He didn’t want this.

He really didn’t – why can’t he ever do things right?

_Why doesn’t Kakuzu ever let him do things right?_

“Fuck... sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Hidan closes his eyes, trying to calm down, “I’m sorry, I’ll never do this again, I promise.”

Kakuzu laughs hoarsely, shaking his head.

“It’s alright. It’s me who should apologize.”

“Well, yeah...” Hidan frowns, feeling anger starting to build up again. “You should’ve listened to me... but I shouldn’t have hit you, either. Sorry. You’re not mad, right?”

“I’m fine,” Kakuzu repeats. “Just a few bruises. Not a big deal.”

Hidan relaxes, smiling.

“Good.”

_Good._

_Everything is great._

He’s said it before.

Everything _is perfect._

 

Why does it seem like it’s _not?_

  
  
  
_“You make me sick,” Kakuzu spits, and Hidan suddenly feels like he can’t breathe when he hears, “I hate you.”_

_The world is white before his eyes, and something cracks under his knuckles – and the next moment Hidan sees._

_Face twisted in confusion and pain, blood running from his nose – Kakuzu is looking at him the way he never did before._

_With fear._

_“Fuck,” Hidan shifts in place nervously, reaches out to him, “I didn’t mean it, I...”_

_He takes a step forward and holds Kakuzu tightly – whispers, choking on words, “Sorry,” and kisses him, trying to show him somehow – he’s sorry, he_ didn’t want to _, “sorry, I didn’t... Are you hurt? Sorry...”_

 

Hidan really did _try._

It’s not his fault that Kakuzu keeps screwing things up.

_It’s not._

_No._

 

Hidan punches the wall until his fists bleed, but this faint pain doesn’t calm him, doesn’t distract him, doesn’t make anything better.

Hidan just wants it to be like it was before.

Perfect.

 

 

“Sakura is mistaken,” Kakuzu says flatly. “Hidan and I... had a little fight. My personal life doesn’t concern her or you.”

“Why are you lying! I saw everything! Professor, why are you protecting him?” Haruno snaps, her eyes sparkling fiercely, and it’s even somewhat funny – what a stupid girl.

Kakuzu doesn’t even smile.

He just doesn’t want Hidan to have problems. Besides, he really didn’t do anything that bad.

The police officer looks at Kakuzu, wincing with something close to disdain. _It’s not the first time this happens._ He yawns, failing to hide it behind a folder he’s holding; raises his eyebrow when Kakuzu shrugs and hisses painfully, but doesn’t comment.

He only sighs and says with a sensible irritation in his voice, “Same thing each time... I’m really fed up with all that.” He then switches to a more professional tone, “Well. Pay the fine and you two can be on your way.”

Haruno almost chokes on words, says something else, so hastily and loudly; Kakuzu doesn’t listen, counting the money silently. This is more than he was expecting – more than usual – but what matters is that the officer will let Hidan go. Just like always. They are sure lucky this man keeps his end of the deal.

And Haruno here can forget about passing her exam, Kakuzu thinks, looking at her darkly.

Why does everyone have to get involved?

It’s none of their business.

He – they – are fine.

Everything is alright.

Perfect.

_“I just don’t get it. If you hate me so much, why do you still stay?”_

_“Whoa, wait! What the fuck are you talking about? I don’t hate you! You’re kinda annoying sometimes... ’specially when you get so clingy... But that’s it, really. I don’t wanna leave you.”_

_“I’m sorry, I–”_

_“Nah, it’s okay. You’re all I want. All I need. That’s not changing any time soon. So you better remember it.”_

  
  
  
“So... that pink-haired chick back there. Who was she?”

“One of my students,” Kakuzu’s voice is steady, but it doesn’t make Hidan feel better – only worse, _so much worse_ , because this explains nothing, it’s just a fucking excuse. “What’s the matter, Hidan?”

_What’s the matter._

“Student, hah,” Hidan grimaces painfully. “What stuff do you teach her? How to give head properly? That why you’re not satisfied with fucking me? You’re switching to girls now?”

“Hidan, it’s not– what are you even–”

Hidan grabs his shoulders, shoves him against the wall; looks into his eyes and exhales, “No one... _no one_ touches you while I’m alive... you’re mine, fucking _mine_ , do you hear me?!”

Not letting Kakuzu reply, Hidan kisses him, hard and deep, bites his lips; and his hands are shaking so much, and everything inside him is breaking apart. It hurts – he doesn’t understand why.

_Didn’t he try to do everything right?_

_Why does Kakuzu even look at someone else?_

“I’ll never look at anyone else, Hidan,” Kakuzu says softly, as if reading his thoughts. “You’re the only I need. The only one I love.”

And Hidan wants to believe him, he really does – but for some reason he can’t.

 

“Hidan, I’m really... very tired,” Kakuzu presses his cheek against Hidan’s palm, closing his eyes. “Not today.”

“Ow, come on,” Hidan leans down to kiss him, slow and tender.

But Kakuzu doesn’t respond, turning away instead – and there’s something close to displeasure showing on his face; and Hidan ignores it, ignores it – it doesn’t matter.

“You’ll feel good,” he whispers in the most soothing tone he can manage, stroking Kakuzu’s back. “Some good fucking will sure help you relax.”

Kakuzu stiffens, as if he wants to object – but then lowers his head onto his folded arms and goes still; as though allowing Hidan to do whatever he wants.

_Allowing._

_Not wanting anything himself._

Hidan feels anger and something else, hot and dark, rising from deep within him; but he tries to calm down, because everything is alright as long as Kakuzu is with him.

As long as he does what Hidan wants.

_“I just wanted... I don’t understand, Hidan – why are you always pushing me away?”_

_Didn’t you ask for this?_

  
  
“Hidan, please,” a muffled, barely audible whisper, “it hurts...”

Hidan feels something exploding inside his mind, his chest – it’s like fire, burning and suffocating – not even anger, but rage. He grabs a handful of Kakuzu’s hair, pulls it, ignoring his quiet moan.

“Oh, it _hurts?_ You’re so fragile, aren’t you, _love_?” Hidan leans closer to him, almost hissing, “Well, how about I show you what’s it like when it really hurts?”

Hidan shoves his face into the mattress; runs his hands down his hips, squeezing hard, thrusts hard inside him, not even attempting to be careful anymore.

 _What the fuck is it you don’t like_ , Hidan thinks, breathing raggedly, and bites into Kakuzu’s shoulder – hard enough to break the skin, so the mark stays forever, among all the other scars; _I’m trying, but you keep ruining everything, never – satisfied – with anything –_

Kakuzu shudders and makes a muffled sound close to a sob – and Hidan wrings his arm.

“Shut up,” he breathes, “ _shut up,_ or it’ll get worse.”

It’s bad enough for Hidan now, because he doesn’t understand, doesn’t get just what he’s doing wrong, what is _always_ wrong – and he almost hates Kakuzu now, though of course _not_ – how can he hate him, even though he’s a fucking asshole, not giving a fuck about Hidan’s feelings –

The blood on his lips tastes bitter and strangely sweet; Hidan licks it off, eyes squeezed shut in pleasure – and also pain.  
  
_Everything._

_Is._

_Always._

_Wrong._

Hidan wants to look.

“Roll over,” and not waiting for him to process the order, he grabs his shoulder, making him turn onto his back. Kakuzu stares at him, eyes wide, and Hidan grimaces, noticing tears on his face. Ignoring this disgusting feeling of wrongness – _shut up, shut up, what’s wrong again,_ Hidan says, “The fuck... Are you crying? It’s fucking disgusting. Stop it.”

“Why...” Kakuzu doesn’t seem to hear him, reaches out to him – and as he touches Hidan’s face, it’s as if it burns, and Hidan shoves his hand off. _He doesn’t understand._ “Hidan... why are you... why...”

 _Because you’re mine and I can do whatever I want with you_ – but Hidan says only:

“Shut up.” _Shut up, shut up, shut up._ “I’m fucking sick of your whining.”

Hidan keeps moving, hard and rough, letting go completely – and he’s nearly lost in this closeness, in the heat of Kakuzu’s body – _his alone_ , and he thinks desperately, _what did I do_ wrong _again, what?_

 _Didn’t you want this – to be closer, to be together,_ what _is wrong,_ what _?_

“Hidan, please,” Kakuzu’s voice sounds so weak and _pathetic_ , “please, it hurts _–_ Hidan _–_ ”

He inhales sharply, and a ragged cry tears from his chest; and Hidan closes his eyes, grits his teeth – _shut up_ – and locks his hands around Kakuzu’s throat, squeezing so hard as if his own life is depending on it – _just shut up-shut up-shut up, I don’t wanna hear you –_

  
_Don’t cry anymore, please –_

Kakuzu’s fingers clutch on his hands in a helpless attempt to make him stop –

_I’ll never hurt you again, I promise –_

_I promise –_

Hidan lets go and opens his eyes.

And he sees the same he’s seen so many times before.

_Something that’s his._

_Something he likes._

_Something he loves._

_Something he broke._

 

 

_Hidan promised he’d never do anything like that._

_He lied._

_He always lies._

 

  
  
  
Kakuzu doesn’t want to get up; squinting at the sunlight that’s coming through the blinds, he turns his head away from the window.

His body feels strangely numb – he thinks vaguely that he at least needs to wash the dried blood off his skin, but it hurts too much to even think of moving.  
  
Hidan is not here.

Kakuzu realizes that he’s... somewhat happy about it.

 

His phone rings again – he didn’t count how many calls he’s missed, but it must’ve been a lot. He doesn’t need to look at the screen to know it’s from work.

Who cares.

The students will sure be just fine without his lectures for this one day.

They’ll probably even be happy.

Annoyingly loud ringtone doesn’t want to stop; Kakuzu grits his teeth, closes his eyes again, trying not to pay attention at it.

_It hurts._

_Why did Hidan..._

 

Don’t think.

Don’t think.

It’s alright if he doesn’t think.

It’s great.

Hidan didn’t want this – he just lost it –  
_like always_  
 – but it’s alright, it really is.

Kakuzu finally tries to get up, but even a small movement causes a surge of pain to go through his body – and he feels completely disgusted with himself. It’s fine; it happened before –  
_but it was never that bad_  
 – but Kakuzu forces himself to ignore it.

 

Damn phone goes silent for a moment before ringing again.

_Fuck the phone, fuck them all – everything is fine._

 

But someone seems awfully persistent.

 

With an effort, Kakuzu sits up, failing to suppress a pained moan, and reaches for the phone.

He regrets it almost instantly when he hears Konan’s voice, full of worry.

“Why aren’t you at work today? Did something happen?”

Kakuzu doesn’t reply for a long time – perhaps suspiciously long.

 

_‘It’s okay-it’s fine’ – the words he’s so used to are now stuck in his throat – the pain suddenly feels much stronger._

_And there’s a treacherous thought in his mind – does that officer really care what he bribes him for?_

_To let Hidan go – or..._

_No – Kakuzu grits his teeth, exhaling slowly._

_It’s Hidan._

_His Hidan._

_Hidan... isn’t to blame here. Everything that’s happened is Kakuzu’s fault alone; he can’t – he shouldn’t blame Hidan._

_It just happens sometimes, but Hidan never actually wants to hurt him._

_And even if Kakuzu could imagine that Hidan will never hurt him again – he understands something else._

_Hidan will never hold him again._

_He’ll never tell him he loves him._

_And for that, a little pain is a small price Kakuzu is used to paying._

 

“I’m fine,” Kakuzu says as emotionlessly as he can. “Just not feeling well today. I’ll get better tomorrow.”

And he ends the call, not waiting for her to answer.

Everything is alright.  
  
_Just like always._

 

  
  
“Sorry,” his own voice seems so quiet. “I... kinda went overboard that time. And I acted like a real dick to you, so... sorry. Okay?”

Kakuzu doesn’t move, looks at him with suspicion and fear; and Hidan has to suppress another urge just to _grab his hair and slam his head against this desk –_

At this moment, Hidan hates himself and the way he is – why is it always like this?

Each time, one of them messes things up – usually the both of them, but this time it’s Hidan ruining everything he’s been building so carefully all these years.

It used to be great before.

It should be great now.

Hidan _will fix everything._

“Hey,” he comes closer. “You okay, right?”

Kakuzu finally speaks:

“I’m fine,” and that’s all he says.

“Come on,” Hidan puts his hands on Kakuzu’s shoulders, pulls him into a careful embrace – and feels him shiver. “I’m here. I’m with you.” And then there’s his usual, “I won’t hurt you, I promise. Never again.”

Kakuzu still says nothing, and Hidan whispers desperately, “I love you, how don’t you get it... I’m trying, I really am, but you just keep messing it up... it was fucking great, why do you have to... fuck,” he chokes on words, unable to express all the emotions overcoming him.

Why is it always so difficult?

Why can’t he simply love him?

Hidan wants to scream – from all the helplessness and not knowing what to do – but Kakuzu suddenly hugs him, presses close to him; and it gets better.

“It’s alright,” Kakuzu’s voice is trembling, just like his body, but it’s nothing. “I’m alright. Don’t... It’s okay.”

_Right._

Hidan strokes his hair, kisses him hastily – and just can’t stop smiling. He’s happy – for real now.

_They’re together._

_Kakuzu is still with him._

_Is there anything more to want?_

  
“I love you.”  
  
“I know.” 

_It’s all Hidan ever wanted._

 

_For everything to be p e r f e c t._


End file.
